the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
