my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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