he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
