I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
