dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
