It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
