I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You pole danced in your parka.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
