I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
