My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My vagina just clenched in fear
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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