only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
