You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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