and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
do nipples grow back?
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