he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
