I think I am morally bankrupt
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
