Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
