I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
this boner is exhausting
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
