you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
