omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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