i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i barfeds in our rink
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
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