I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
