I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
