End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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