Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
