OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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