Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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