Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just pee around me
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
