sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
