There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
