...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
