I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
