Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
