the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
