I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There r osticjed everywhere
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
