I am in a vortex of obligation.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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