i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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