I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
