Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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