my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
