is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
