woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
