Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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