"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
