The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
