New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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