Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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