I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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