Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
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