Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
