i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
