His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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