Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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