you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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